Russian churches are now paying back debts with prayers

Gazeta.ru via Oddity Central – It appears that in some parts of the world, prayers have legit market value. For example, a church in Russia is getting away with a $11,500 debt by promising to pray for the good health of the creditors instead.

The Nizhny Novgorod diocese of the Russian Orthodox Church owed 916,000 roubles to construction company Era for designing a heating system for one of their buildings. The church was only able to settle half the amount, and the company decided on taking legal action. But the owners of the company happen to be religious people, so the church was able to convince them to agree to a pre-trial settlement in which the loan would be written off and the church would pray for them in exchange.

Although it is common to make financial donations to Russian churches in exchange for a prayer, this is perhaps the first time such a legal agreement has been reached. In fact, the diocese’s legal department was rather taken aback when the company readily accepted the offer. “We had an agreement on the design of the heating in a building that belongs to the diocese, and which houses the pilgrim center,” a church representative said. “It turned out that there were financial difficulties. But we ourselves were surprised when the plaintiffs before the court suggested to make a settlement agreement in place of prayers. They even constituted the wording themselves.”

It seems that the company was more than willing to withdraw charges when they realized that the goodwill of the church was at stake. It obviously was a great deal for them – perhaps they thought that the church’s prayers might bring them far more benefit than the amount in question.

But the company doesn’t plan to check if the church is actually holding up the prayer agreement or not. “We respect the diocese and we are all Orthodox believers,” said Era sales manager Andrei Lepustin. “It’ll be on their conscience if they don’t, but we trust them and have already felt the fruits of their prayers, as prosperity indicators for both the company and its employees are growing.”

 

Hallelujah my debts are gone! And by that, I mean I hope my bookie will take Ts & Ps as payment come March Madness time, because, like always, my bracket is the best in the world.*

*Until it busts because I call two 1-16 upsets.

So this is what’s hot in the streets of Russia now? Like, I feel like I should move there now. I could rack up massive gambling debts and just say, “Is okay my friend. I’ll pray for you instead.” Everyone knows I’m a theology guy, and I think this is covered in the Catechism somewhere. Right next to “Pray the gay away,” section, there’s the “Pray the pay away.” As long as you make an earnest and honest prayer for the well-being of your debtor (and for him not to purchase a baseball bat and invite you to “take a few swings at the cages” with him), then all of your debt is just gone. Whoosh! Into thin air all thanks to Uncle J upstairs.

So let’s all take out a few loans and start investing in Russian Vodka companies, raise a few to the good times, and renege on our promises to the banks to pay back their money. It’s the American Russian way. Because even though Rocky could take down human HGH and steroid experiment Ivan Drago, nothing can take down the Russian economy. A prayer is just as good as a ruble, and for good reason. Have you actually ever seen a ruble? Have you ever had a prayer answered? If anything, Russia should change their official currency to prayers. It’s as solid as 2000 Enron stock.

figure3

Just look at those peaks!

Think about it though – when has a prayer ever gone unanswered? If you give me one solid example, well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle. No, seriously, I’ll have my brother adopt a monkey. It’s just too bad that that ain’t ever happening. (Sidenote: There used to be a person up in York Beach, Maine where I vacationed everywhere year who actually owned monkeys. Big cage in his front yard. Certainly made the walks to the beach more interesting when you were more concerned with a monkey hurling a hunk of shit at you and ruining your 2000s frosted tips instead of being worried about seagulls dropping a fresh white nugget on you. Yes, I am white trash.)

There’s only two people who know your every thought and action – Santa and Jesus. Santa brings presents, Jesus brings forgiveness. So double up and ask Santa for money, and ask Jesus for forgiveness and pray for the people you scammed. Now you’re a double winner, and there’s nothing that those poor serfs can do about it.

Now that you can pay for your debts with prayer, let’s take a live look into some Russian Casinos.

russiangambling

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s